On Just Doing It

I've been doing what I do, professionally, for sixteen years.

I've not been all that great at keeping score throughout those years.

Over and over again, regardless of the company or the management or the pep talk- there is always something to be said about keeping score.  Sports teams do it.  Education systems do it.  The entertainment industry does it.  The best in my industry do it, faithfully.

There's always someone keeping score- and furthermore- keeping statistics.  How many yards? How many words? How many people watch and listen and buy?

When you think about it, all of the things we love the most are carefully weighed and measured.

But for whatever reason, some people in some industries, namely sales- some people have a hard time keeping score.  I have a hard time keeping score, and this translated into my new Macro IIFYM way of eating.

It's natural, when the score is good, to want to write it down and show it to someone.  It's also natural, when the score is bad, to rationalize all the reasons it's dumb and pointless to keep score and hide from the people who might be looking, especially when you're in a position that makes you doubt that anyone is really looking.

If the last four weeks have taught me anything, it taught me that I wished much, much earlier in my life, I valued keeping score even when the score was hateful.  That if anything, I'd learned earlier the motivation that comes from really, truly caring about the score.

This macro thing- this part of the journey- I won't say I'm obsessive about it but I will say that meaningfully keeping score for four weeks, good, bad or ugly, has created an unintended habit of awareness.

I am now fully aware that there's more protein in cow's milk than almond milk and that you can get high quality lactose-free, fat-free milk that tastes great.  I'm aware that if I get close to 50 grams of protein first thing in the morning, I'm not hungry all day long- but I'm aware I need to stoke the fire so I focus on getting another 30 grams within two or three hours after my first meal.  If I do this, then naturally I find that my last two full meals of the day provide the balance I need of macros almost naturally.  I find that paying attention more makes me crave things that aren't beneficial less. Keeping score has made it so I don't ransack my kitchen at 9:30 PM looking for 65 grams of fat-free protein, which literally amounts to eating a tub of fat-free cottage cheese and downing a protein shake.  Not really the best move for a good night's sleep.

I've always known that keeping score is vital to progress and success, and anytime I have focused on keeping score, I've improved my results.  I also know that I stop keeping score when failure is looming.  When, for whatever reason, the score isn't going to favor me.  Maybe it's a fear of facing the things I'm not doing, or a die-hard willingness to be lazy instead of productive, or an all-out serious denial of the truth.

Because the truth is that we can always do more.

I used to make fun of press conferences that are held after major sporting events.  Like, why do you think you lost this game?  Clearly, the answer is always that you didn't do something as well as the other team did.

Now, I think I understand the question a little bit more.  It's not just that the losing team lost, it's about what went wrong.  And if we don't pay attention to what what wrong, we can't make it right.  And we have no chance of even knowing what's going wrong if we don't keep score, or if the score is a fabrication made up to appease someone who may or may not be paying attention, rather than for our own assessment.

I wish I had understood this earlier, and that I had become a raging fan of self-statistic-keeping earlier.   In all things- I understand now, more than ever, that every little thing counts- not just the score.  The practice that came before the game.  The hours of good sleep logged, the steps taken, the time spent just trying to be better.  The moments spent in silence, reading or in prayer or just being. Every rep, every mile, every drop of sweat. The moments of joy, the moments spent ugly-crying... they all matter, and they all become part of the score.

Confessions of a Recovering Mindless Grazer

Don't lie.

You know you've been there.

You're doing something around the house, perhaps taking a load of laundry from a bedroom to the laundry room.  Maybe picking up the random things your teenagers leave lying around the house- shoes, water bottles, empty Lunchables...  and the next thing you know, you're standing in front of an open refrigerator looking for something to eat.

In my case, I'm not even hungry.  I'm not really bored, and I'm not stressed.  And these days, I generally go for something "healthy"- greek yogurt or an apple.  I think there's just some weird disconnect in my brain that may or may not be related to a primitive need to survive- if food is available, I feel compelled to consume it. Grazing is making IIFYM that much more difficult on me.

I'm the girl that will snag a french fry or three from her daughters plate.  I will take a handful of Cheerios the kids left out before I shut the box and stash it back in the pantry all while yelling at no one in particular to put the cereal back where it belongs.  Then I will stand in the pantry and stare, like if I just hang out long enough a genie with a bag of Oreos will show up.  When he doesn't, I notice a near-empty bag of black bean chips.  Doesn't seem prudent to keep it, and would be wasteful to toss it, so I might as well eat the three chips and handful of crumbs at the bottom before throwing the bag away.

I don't keep much junk food in the house, and over the years I have progressed from Girl-Scout-Cookie-binge-eating diet-coke junkie into a mindful grazing animal, but a grazer nonetheless.

Which makes keeping score that much more difficult.  On a scale of 1 to Root Canal, keeping score for me is like major dental work.  The past month, I have gotten good at understanding what I need and why I need it in terms of nutrition, and I've even gotten good at not hating myself while I'm eating an extra plate of food specifically designed to reach my macro goals that may or may not include strange amounts of fat-free cottage cheese and sweet potatoes.  I've even gotten really good at staying accountable and adding those fries-here and cheerios-there into my log.

What I am not good at is planning.

I am really over plugging all of my triumphs and transgressions into MyFitnessPal only to find that I am way over on fat grams and no where near my protein goal.  Even if the fat was "all good".

So what is a girl to do?

Well, last night I stayed up into the wee hours of the morning reading articles about runners and running and people who cheat to get into Boston.  I read a piece from my old hometown local newspaper where two teachers I knew, both older than me, made it in to Boston this year.  And I had this thought.

I've been progressing toward my goal.  I have been doing the right things, I have been getting serious about training.  I would even say that I have been quite committed.

But I haven't been relentless.  And I haven't planned like someone who really wants it.

I know what I need to do and that I need to map out a plan and stick to it.  I need to map out my macros BEFORE the day I'm in, so that I have a plan.  So that I can get closer to them early instead of trying desperately to catch up on them at 9PM.  I need to make the effort to find the hills that, now that I have become familiar with my new surroundings, I know exist.  I need to go to bed earlier.  I need to drink less wine and drink WAY more water.  I need to preempt the mindless grazing by having measured and counted snacks available when my brain and stomach wage war over my goals.

I preach and teach all day long to people who are new in my industry that planning, preparation and keeping score are the foundations to their success.  It's time to practice what I preach.

When Commitment Takes a Vacation

Last week was Spring Break for us, and we decided to go visit my parents in Reston, Virginia which is right outside of Washington D.C.  I was pretty excited because, having grown up a military brat, I've been all around the world- I've seen Rome and Germany and Greece, castles and relics and really old art.... but I've been to very few historically meaningful U.S. locations.

So, if you're keeping track, I also committed to going all-out hard-core balls-to-the-wall for the goal of qualifying just a mere three weeks ago.  You may be wondering (or not) how my vacation affected my commitment.

We left on Friday night, meeting up with my sister in law from NM in Dallas.  We were catching an early morning flight on Saturday, me and her and the kids.  The hubs didn't get as much time off, so he would be flying out to join us on Wednesday.

We ate at PF Changs on Friday night and I managed to hit my macros.  I ordered based on what I needed and and ate what I calculated I should in MFP (My FitnessPal henceforth and forevermore).  I thought, MacrosShmacros, I can keep this up for a week!!

Hah.

Every day of vacation started with good intentions to keep up with MFP.  But by Wednesday, I gave up on keeping track altogether.  I mean, how are you supposed to report homemade pop-tarts at Ted's, Braised Beef at District Commons with carrot grits and kale (but you tried your son's duck and your hubby's steak and you had a few bites of the amazing pretzel bread and hot mustard butter and then you did top that off with a homemade vanilla bean ice cream float made with Coney Island Hard Root Beer).  I mean, some things just can't be weighed and measured.  Then there was the Chicago style Supreme Pizza at Pi... I still made better choices than I every used to while on vacation, I didn't feel compelled to eat just for the sake of eating and I enjoyed al of the meals my family shared without stuffing myself. I genuinely enjoyed them.  It was a good balance.

I think sometimes progress doesn't feel like progress.  Sometimes, I think, you have to go back further in that personal history book and realize that some of your successes are a positive but subtle change in habit.  I can't think of a vacation taken recently where I kept up with early morning workouts- this is a huge change for me.  On the days I woke up early to work out, I had much more energy and felt far less exhausted by the end of our touring than I did on days I skipped.  In the past, being on vacation meant I didn't need to keep up the workout routine at all- I was always happy to skip it.  So the fact that I didn't- progress.

I also used to come home from vacation feeling like my panda friend here-  with a food and drink hangover and usually a few extra pounds.  I didn't lose any weight last week, but I didn't gain any either, so I call that a win.

As far as the vacation- WOW.  We walked and walked and rode the metro and walked some more.  I logged, including my workouts,  a total of 60.33 miles for the week.

My favorite things were the Pentagon 9/11 Memorial, Arlington Cemetery and Smithsonian Art Museum.

I like to do things I've never done before when I take a vacation.  In the past this has included jumping off buildings and running long distances.  This time, I opted for some pampering and tried a blow-out.  This was fun, relaxing, interesting... but I don't understand how people keep the results for a week.  Even with dry shampoo.  Hair gets dirty.

This was a great experience for my family and was an excellent opportunity for me to prove to myself that I can live the life I've envisioned with physical and nutrition goals that make sense, are attainable, and don't make me give up living, or feeling like I failed because I went on vacation.  Here's to balance in all things.