It's not about the Run.... wait, no. It is.

Let me just start by saying that Marie Kondo is a little batsh*t crazy.  Which is okay in my book, because I like crazy.  I picked this book up at Barnes and Noble one day when I was feeling lonely and probably PMSing, and was amused that someone *actually* could write a book about tidying up.

I was intrigued.  So I brought the book home and did what anyone would do- put it in a pile of "stuff to do later" in an obscure catch-all corner in my house.

One day a couple months ago, I picked it up and thumbed through it.  I immediately got the gist of Marie Kondo magic, but was more interested in the psychological aspect of tidying up than the physical one.  I always believe that books will come to you when you need them the most, sort of like "when the student is ready, the teacher appears" kind of thing.

I have been feeling, for a while now- that even though I've moved and the landscape has changed drastically- that I'm holding on desperately to some old ghosts.  That sometimes, I don't feel like I moved on, I feel like I ran away.  And either way, some things followed me.

That small voice that has never steered me wrong has been nudging me for a while now to clean out the cobwebs- emotionally, physically, mentally.  Lately, I started making the connection- what if that feeling that I'm stuck in mud and not progressing in running has more to do with some emotional baggage I'm carrying around than it does the ten pounds I've gained since we moved?

And what should I do about that?  Because, for all intents and purposes, the run has always been the therapy.

SO, I speed-read the book, decided that this weekend I would begin the process of letting go of anything and everything that doesn't serve me, isn't meaningful and isn't necessary.

SO, this.

After I took step one and cleaned my closet out of every shred of everything that was in there, I wanted to just move and leave it all behind.  If there is a better metaphor for taking stock of your state of being mentally, I don't know what it is.  And I don't know why I so mistakenly thought this process would take two hours.  It took TWO DAYS.

Marie tells you to keep or toss based on joy.  I'm not really good at following rules, so I made up my own. For something to stay, it had to be an item I felt comfortable in.  It had to be useful.  Some things went because I evaluated a memory associated with that item and realized I wanted to let it go. Some things, like my old prom dress- which was the ONE thing I tried on during this task- held a great memory but really no longer has any tangible value.

 

The fact that I fit into the junior's size 7 was enough of a win that I don't need to hold on to that thing forever.

Most things were an easy decision.  Some items, though- man.  No wonder we're a mess.  The mental fixation we have on things, and moreover the reasons we keep things around- they don't make any sense.  My goal here was to bring sense to chaos, to begin to organize my life- not exactly in the Steve-Jobs-All-I-Wear-Is-Jeans-And-A-Black-Shirt kind of craziness, but more like, I-should-totally-develop-the-habit-of-being-more-organized-so-I-can-at-least-find-my-shoes so that I can develop a better routine.

I took breaks about once an hour or so and looked for other corners of my universe to organize and apply my rules to.  I rearranged my furniture, organized my laundry room (while doing laundry, which, if you know me, isn't normal!), and really just started taking stock of all the things around me and deciding that if things don't have a home in my home, they should belong to someone else.

Somewhat adhering to the Kondization method of doing things, I got rid of about 20 books.  That was harder for me, because I love my books.

In the end, I ended up with this:


I don't know that I've ever, in my life, "mindfully" cleaned.  Usually, cleaning is done as a last ditch effort with a time crunch when someone's coming over or I just can't stand it anymore, or I'm mad about something and the mad maid shows up.  Cleaning- tidying up- has always been a necessary thing to do, a chore- something I do not want to do and feel forced into- not a task I take upon myself in order to help me grow and to prune my life.  It is very true that the way we are living on the outside is a manifestation of what's going on on the inside.  I think it's imperative that we get the two things aligned, and now more than ever I am willing to do the work to clean EVERYTHING up... and get rid of all the junk in my trunk for good.

Today was pretty cool.  I know it's a process.  I know I have more running clothes than anyone probably needs, even after letting go of a lot...

I feel very accomplished.  Now it's time for a bubble bath and a glass of wine, and in the morning- a good run.  The book I'm reading now:

I love Brendon Burchard.  Check him out.